See, what and all happens!

… by the looks of it, we’re gonna die, sooner or later, but surer than we think we would, and despite being aware of the bounds that are constantly present in our lives, there is a lot of clamour in our heads by thoughts that mostly don’t matter, surrounding the things that we don’t have in our lives, favoring the people that we would rather not be talking to, spending time that makes us feel dumber by the minute, and still hanging on to the clamour as if that is the single most important entity giving us a sense of existence, importance and purpose, which rather puts me on the verge of losing my sanity, while I am transitioning from a world of colour, interest, enthusiasm and fascination into a world where all things appear mediocre, all colours being shades of grey, black, white or blue, fascination and enthusiasm simply being two of the sarcastic words hurled at you by people who are driven by an apparent cloud in their minds that they are leading a life worthy of example, yet subjecting themselves to clandestine self-deception by the blurring boundaries between people, getting interlaced with their prejudices, their opinions about other people, relationships, friend circles, social strata, clout, wealth, attitude and many other vices that desist the natural affinity, or its anti thereof, that people should have developed as second nature. I sense a world that is getting closer coldly inside the circles of walls of a socialisation myth and enjoying the essence of a person only as a short, distant flutter in the unbeknownst plains of mental fabric, as opposed to a blazing sense of warmth that just happens when you let your thoughts reach out to a person and feel the enormity of his/her being, the nuances of their movements, the subtlties of their behavior and the complexity of their personalities forming an impeccable sketch of an entity representing a more accurate virtual persona than t person artificially tends to portray himself as, more so, like watching an idea taking shape, like a design of, say, a car, forming in your head: the lines, contours, bends, curves, grills and stuff that give u a vision of the car, driving you to put it into action and see it taking shape, consistent with what you visualised, with what you committed to the CAD software, finally taking shape and presented to you as a representation of a part of your being, translated into reality. Its like you have moulded a part of your brain, poured your soul into it, and felt like a true creator. Bah! I’m sounding like Steve Jobs now. But people like him are required once in a while for other people to notice that the World needed much more than a Blackberry, and thanks to him, I’m able to enjoy fantastic designs and interfaces on my Android phone. After all, he pioneered a movement, a phenomenon, that would rapidly self sustain and foster its own development, either by innovation, inspiration, replication, or even castigation. It all follows the rules of Nature, where species learn to exist and co-exist by looking at other species and learning a trick or two about predation, defence, food gathering and essentially, survival. Thankfully those methods were not patented, lest humankind would have had to literally pay with our skins for eating other animals and learning it from the wild beasts that marked the precursor to our existence. I sometimes wonder how we would have survived had we not done that then, while my parents admonish me for being a non-vegetarian now! Their concern reaches no known corners of my intricate mind even as I try to reason with them that I’m neither eating pseudo-chicken from KFC nor a chicken like pattice from McD. Even though these brands don’t contribute to my diet directly, I do revel in the wafts of aroma emanating from such outlets which will make me go in search of a place that offers greater, more aromatic, healthy food that quenches my never ending desire to pamper my taste buds to the extent of propelling me to an elevated sense of mind, seconding only the orgasmic joy that a goddess blesses you with for the amount of affection that you serve as an offerring to the Love that you share. Bonds such as those are hard to come by and harder still to get over if severed. The gravity of such a realization dawned when it happened to me and I hope that it’d be the last time I face any such thing, unlike in the story of a Cro-magnon who managed to live to present day, suffering many such heart-breaks and managing to forget quite a few, while he just existed as the oblivious World aged, as an observer who brings with him a window to the period of pre-historic man, the first civilizations, spiritual superlings such as the Buddha and events in World History that changed the path of mankind for good, bringing to us a speculative perspective of a halo surrounding a man hailed as the Son of God. Frankly, if we were all created by one God as is popular belief, why only that Son is special then? Everybody else are bastards then aa? What will be enough to stop us all in our tracks and take a relook into our lives and check if we dont suck at living, instead of clinging on to what Sons of Gods are telling? If you cared enough to look at it simply, they are also telling this only, “Oh dear sons and daughters of my divine father, lead your lives well and don’t suck at it!” Ayyo, like one fish market, so much of cow dung comes to our heads like ‘my god is this’, ‘your god is that’, ‘my this’, ‘my that’, ‘my brother’s this’, ‘my friend’s that’, and all, and we lock it inside as if some one will come and steal off the warm aroma. You want such aroma means, work as a garbage collector in Bangalore city. Very good business now, I say. Some garbage heaps will scare even a rag picker to run away from 1 kilometer also. You simply go and take money from people to collect it and throw in other place, instead of garbagi-fy-ing your head. Good idea no? But if such a thing is already there, I fear that this is also a Mafiaed business like begging, havala, and trafficking. So much pain in our minds, lives and society, and as if that was not enough, these sons of bitches come off to keep theirs also in this glory hole. Besides, these kinds of shit are so well-networked that it will put a technocrat like me to shame because people like me are working as if our lives depend on it, on networks which are striving to be as painlessly seamless as possible, all the while discarding old technologies that were hailed as life-savers in their Yay!-days, creating devices that vie for a customer’s heart, mind and soul, so that they will buy them, love them and expose themselves to the device more than they would, to their lovers, while these devices constantly play sneek-peek with the user’s info such as where he goes, what he eats, whom he sleeps with and what his dog’s poop smells like, and effectively helping some fourteenth party company to tailor ads for his special needs, ads that appear more like wannabe sluts who want to sell themselves because they can’t get sold if they din’t shove up their cleavage into the faces of gaping perverts. Traditional ad banners are lot better that way, in the sense that they are atleast restricted by the proportional cost of real-estate that they occupy and the short duration of a person’s attention that they enjoy, much like the interval that a human being gets to live as compared to the scale of the Universe, often touted as only a few milliseconds in the scale of a day, and yet living every moment of life desperately submerging themselves in one quest after another, seemingly oblivious to the timer ticking behind their backs. If you get to know a person and manage to figure out the quest he is on, and try to extrapolate it on a global scale, visualizing it as teeny weenie sparks of light from fireflies traversing a void and forming intricate patterns, some glimmering more than others, some swaying more than the others, some losing out in between, some showing the way, some attracting others, some simply lingering and revelling and immersing me in a delusion that transforms the immensity of such sparks as stars in the infinite sky, filling joy and wonder, and reminding me of my childhood self singing the nursery rhyme “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the World so high, Like a diamond on Aishwarya Rai”. No, that wasn’t the Rhyme I learnt, but diamonds and Aish were analogous for most time in my childhood, thanks to Nakshatra ads, and despite my reservations about her beauty, she remains the mascot of diamonds for me. The tag-line for the ad goes : “Diamonds are forever”, but seems like this post can’t be (sigh!) just like we can’t be too, and be it either on our own individual expiry dates or the widely proclaimed doomsday that the Mayans thought would occur in 2012, by the looks of it, we’re gonna die, sooner or later, but surer than we think we would…

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Of friends, love, and marriage

There he is! Shows up now, after this half-an-hour of agonizing wait. But, why is he ducking behind the flower pots! Oh, I guess he’ll play his usual Surprise! trick on one of us. Silently, I told this to the others and we were waiting to see what happens. As usual, he targets the well-pampered, innocent-looking, but not-so-innocent girl of our group. 3 years since we all met and he is into his old shoes already. Within no time, the old-time chit-chat starts and continues into animated banter. People taking about jobs, companies, and future plans. And, suddenly starting to tease the married guys and gals about their marriage and kids. It was all so lively and fun. I thought we would take sometime to get comfy after all the ups and downs we’ve had in life. I mean, once upon a time, we were thick friends and came to each other during trying situations. But, a long gap can pull people apart. Surprisingly, it wasn’t the case now and God! I was glad for that!

“So, how come you haven’t married yet? I thought you would have had 2 kids by now!” he started his usual mockery. Hadn’t it been for my engineering, I’d have got married at 18; and hadn’t it been for my MBA, I’d have got married at 22! Now, being 25 and still living free as per my will was something that didn’t go down well with my family. But still, if not now, when could I ever be so independent? This discussion seemed to have enlightened to him that I am no longer the daddy-says-marry-this-guy kinda gal. There was a sudden swell of appreciation in his eye and I kinda felt proud that it came from him. This guy was my closest friend in engineering. He dropped me home, gave me advice, enquired about my crushes, settled fights between me and my boyfriend. Heck, he had the audacity to challenge me to take up an MBA and convince my dad against marrying me off. So much for being independent for a small time in my life!

Soon, other stories started coming out. None of us who were committed in college continued to be so. After listening to 2 marriages, 3 break-ups and this guy’s ever-growing list of could-be-lovers, we headed out for lunch. I felt we were no longer our daily selves of well-groomed, well-behaved 24-25 old employees. It was college days again. Everyone was elated at being together. The food session began: after some glass clanking, fork scratching, and spoon fighting, we were on our fingers. I bet that hanging out with college buddies over a morsel of good food is 10000 times more satisfying than team lunches with colleagues. The sense of belonging to a group and still being able to become kids in a matter of few seconds has a nostalgic, yet heartening feeling to it.

Soon, the married guys had to leave and we were making fun of them that their mistresses were not too pleased with them hanging out for so long. Gradually, each one of us were put into that situation and others gave the verdict as to how each would react. People told that coupla years earlier, I’d have been my husband’s permanent unpaid chef.But seeing me now, they were convinced that I’d rather make him cook for me before giving in. I tell you, it was a secret pleasure listening to that! πŸ˜‰ Some time later, this guy’s verdict is passed and people told that he’d be his wife’s yes man! I knew him very closely and knew he was a romantic and that he’d love his wife a lot more than she’d expect. But my friends thinking that, it would make him a yes man shook me a bit. For a second, I thought if it was gonna be true. I despised the thought that he could become like that. My close friend, in fact, my best friend becoming his wife’s yes man was unsettling.

I argued against it and took people by surprise. Even he was giving me questioning glances and I told them in strong words that he’d treat his wife as an equal. Sensing that the situation would become serious, he cleverly deviated the topic and all was forgotten. But something had stung me. It was neither small enough to be ignored nor strong enough to be termed ‘love’. Or, was it? His part in my life flashed before me like a movie. For some part in my life he was the cynosure, and arguably, they were the best days! I could be a princess in his world and I had the feeling that he’d never let me be unhappy. OMG! The seeds of love are planting themselves in my head and I’m drifting away from reality. Suddenly I turned crimson and started blushing whenever I glanced at him. I couldn’t meet his gaze. Oh damn! that was too fast for me to handle. I was in sweet trauma, revelling in the feeling of new-found love and the inability to express it! Restlessness and excitement seeped through every part of me and I was dying to vent them all out!

I was so engrossed in keeping my emotions under control that I missed something that was being said. I was sure it was about some person out of this group. I listened a little more intently and realised a bitter truth.

He was about to get engaged to the love of his life.

It was late!

Slicing My Heart

Like a knife dipped in honey and sugar, in its pristine glory,
And waiting to cut through an unsuspecting heart,
As stealthy, yet gracious, as the rain slicing the air,
Love came in an instant, as a strike of lightening.

Wounded i was by the coldness spewed by the hot strike,
As pain was all that i knew till unseen joy was waiting.
It carried the essence of my lover to my blood, and through me,
Announcing to every last part of my being that my heart was kissed.

The vigor in the cut would not let it heal for a century
And after that, does it matter!
But in the time between, would the sweet painΒ  let me survive
through a myriad emotions of a heart make…
Or worse, a heartbreak…?

Love is probably, the trading of hearts,
With life as its investment, and ethereal happiness, my profit.
But the fear of loss matters to a sliced heart like no other
‘Coz, when she says “Yes!” now, and “Bye…”(for good) later,
It feels like falling into a void or an abyss
And being born just to die like this!

Slicing My Heart

Slicing My Heart

A Small Break

Mind and Body, Heart and Soul.

Sounds like a vaguely familiar ad-song right? Yes it is. But I brought this out because its been a roller coaster ride for me in all the above aspects. I was happy just less than 4 months ago, that the final semester of Engineering is gonna be a leisure period for me. What with only 16 legal hours of classes to attend per week, and the innumerable bunking sessions that threaten to reduce 16 to around 12 (or less,) it was supposed to be a nice and breezy affair.

But what conspired was totally different, except for the attending classes part. In spite of reduced efforts to sit in the four walled large cubicle at almost 21 yrs of age, 4 months turned out to be the most busiest time, exciting nevertheless. Exciting and taxing on all the four fronts I’d mentioned.

Mind and Body went hand in hand throughout the time for the sake of working on the project, its two seminars, another seminar on a technical topic, the literature survey for these and blah blah blah. Come on! I was a newbie to all this! πŸ˜› After around 10 weeks of toil, confusion, survey, study, understanding, trials, errors, smoke, and a small blast, I’m done with my project. The report, however, is yet to be done. U see, its natural to expect this ‘small’ delay from me at the end. πŸ˜€

Oh yes! My heart’s been waiting to hog the limelight. There was this junior gal from a different department in my college. She was slim, cute and had sexy hair. Every time she walks, I get confused if she’s putting any effort at all. ItΒ  seems that the earth doesn’t want her feet to pain and that it is letting only her to hover in air. πŸ™‚Β  I asked her out for a date. Poor creature, she was taken totally off guard and she refused after several hundred microseconds of practiced confusion πŸ˜€ . My poor Heart was on a roller coaster ride for this small reason.

Amidst all these exciting happenings, what can my bored Soul do? So, its just sitting back and seeing the play going on in my life, like a jobless person in a theatre. Now its intermission, as the project work is over. The second half of this play means a lot to its success. Exams. This movie continues till lateΒ  June and u can see a post in my blog if any more generous breaks are offered. πŸ˜›

Wish me luck folks. πŸ™‚

Accelerator – My 1st Love!

Wondering if I’ve gone mad? Did I just express my love for abstract or inanimate things? Oh yes! I did. Well, its just my expressibility that is setting me apart. Otherwise, when it comes to driving, everyone will be loving some aspect of their drive. With me, Its the accelerator. THe story doesn’t end here, my friends! Read On. πŸ™‚

There are different love stories possible based on the priorities given to a few important control systems, namely, Accelerator, Clutch, Gear, Front Brake, Rear Brake and Miscellaneous. (Includes – Honk, Indicator, Hand-Signaling, Pass-Lighting πŸ˜‰ ) We can have a lot of combos and that decides the behavior they extract out of you, and your ride. πŸ™‚

(Before we delve further, its time for that naive statutory warning cum disclaimer cum ‘I’m not responsible blah blah…’ stuff to be dealt with.
Few women can enjoy reading this post. In my opinion, only tomboyish ones can. If you want to read further no matter what, don’t blame me for incessant yawns.
Auto Trans Vehicular users (Read : people using gear-less gaadis) can stop here if you want to continue with using them. If you want to read further no matter what, don’t blame me for incessant yawns.
Finally, all these are MY observations in MY bike as well as quite a few of my friends’ bikes over the past 3 yrs of my driving experience.
Only people with adventure spirit, I believe, will experiment further, promising to themselves not to blame me later. πŸ˜› )

Accelerator, Gear, Front Brake, Clutch, Rear Brake, Misc.
This is My usual style of driving and involves optimum use of Acc, minimum use of brakes, Honks and indicators. When none of them are in use, its just free cruise in Gear-engage position. (4th or 5th gear only!) Advantages : Max control over speed and deceleration. Braking is optimized in a way such that the engaged gear decelerates your vehicle with minimum jerks than brakes and stopping would be easier. Disadvantages : Not using the brake too often can make you apprehensive about stopping the bike. Mis-timing of events frequently causes more long term side effects like notchy gear box. Infrequent gearing can cause poor torque management.

Accelerator, Clutch, Rear Brake, Gear, Front Brake, Misc.
This was my 1st method of riding only because, I’d learnt it that way. Features include not very precise use of accelerator, more braking than in previous case, Free cruise with a depressed / pulled clutch, and more frequent gear changes than in previous case. Advantages : Less noisy ride because of increased clutch use, driver is apparently convinced that brake related security is more. Shifting gears frequently and properly can help maintain a steady torque, which ensures a smother drive. Disadvantages : Relying more upon Rear brake is good only for slowing down and not stopping fast. Frequent gearing means higher wear and tear, directly proportional to the rashness of use.

I’m game to try other ways which anyone suggests, as good as you are to try mine. πŸ˜‰ But driving involves a lot more than Acc, Brake etc., to be a good experience. It requires a proper attitude towards your drive, the road, and its users.

Happy Driving. πŸ™‚