See, what and all happens!

… by the looks of it, we’re gonna die, sooner or later, but surer than we think we would, and despite being aware of the bounds that are constantly present in our lives, there is a lot of clamour in our heads by thoughts that mostly don’t matter, surrounding the things that we don’t have in our lives, favoring the people that we would rather not be talking to, spending time that makes us feel dumber by the minute, and still hanging on to the clamour as if that is the single most important entity giving us a sense of existence, importance and purpose, which rather puts me on the verge of losing my sanity, while I am transitioning from a world of colour, interest, enthusiasm and fascination into a world where all things appear mediocre, all colours being shades of grey, black, white or blue, fascination and enthusiasm simply being two of the sarcastic words hurled at you by people who are driven by an apparent cloud in their minds that they are leading a life worthy of example, yet subjecting themselves to clandestine self-deception by the blurring boundaries between people, getting interlaced with their prejudices, their opinions about other people, relationships, friend circles, social strata, clout, wealth, attitude and many other vices that desist the natural affinity, or its anti thereof, that people should have developed as second nature. I sense a world that is getting closer coldly inside the circles of walls of a socialisation myth and enjoying the essence of a person only as a short, distant flutter in the unbeknownst plains of mental fabric, as opposed to a blazing sense of warmth that just happens when you let your thoughts reach out to a person and feel the enormity of his/her being, the nuances of their movements, the subtlties of their behavior and the complexity of their personalities forming an impeccable sketch of an entity representing a more accurate virtual persona than t person artificially tends to portray himself as, more so, like watching an idea taking shape, like a design of, say, a car, forming in your head: the lines, contours, bends, curves, grills and stuff that give u a vision of the car, driving you to put it into action and see it taking shape, consistent with what you visualised, with what you committed to the CAD software, finally taking shape and presented to you as a representation of a part of your being, translated into reality. Its like you have moulded a part of your brain, poured your soul into it, and felt like a true creator. Bah! I’m sounding like Steve Jobs now. But people like him are required once in a while for other people to notice that the World needed much more than a Blackberry, and thanks to him, I’m able to enjoy fantastic designs and interfaces on my Android phone. After all, he pioneered a movement, a phenomenon, that would rapidly self sustain and foster its own development, either by innovation, inspiration, replication, or even castigation. It all follows the rules of Nature, where species learn to exist and co-exist by looking at other species and learning a trick or two about predation, defence, food gathering and essentially, survival. Thankfully those methods were not patented, lest humankind would have had to literally pay with our skins for eating other animals and learning it from the wild beasts that marked the precursor to our existence. I sometimes wonder how we would have survived had we not done that then, while my parents admonish me for being a non-vegetarian now! Their concern reaches no known corners of my intricate mind even as I try to reason with them that I’m neither eating pseudo-chicken from KFC nor a chicken like pattice from McD. Even though these brands don’t contribute to my diet directly, I do revel in the wafts of aroma emanating from such outlets which will make me go in search of a place that offers greater, more aromatic, healthy food that quenches my never ending desire to pamper my taste buds to the extent of propelling me to an elevated sense of mind, seconding only the orgasmic joy that a goddess blesses you with for the amount of affection that you serve as an offerring to the Love that you share. Bonds such as those are hard to come by and harder still to get over if severed. The gravity of such a realization dawned when it happened to me and I hope that it’d be the last time I face any such thing, unlike in the story of a Cro-magnon who managed to live to present day, suffering many such heart-breaks and managing to forget quite a few, while he just existed as the oblivious World aged, as an observer who brings with him a window to the period of pre-historic man, the first civilizations, spiritual superlings such as the Buddha and events in World History that changed the path of mankind for good, bringing to us a speculative perspective of a halo surrounding a man hailed as the Son of God. Frankly, if we were all created by one God as is popular belief, why only that Son is special then? Everybody else are bastards then aa? What will be enough to stop us all in our tracks and take a relook into our lives and check if we dont suck at living, instead of clinging on to what Sons of Gods are telling? If you cared enough to look at it simply, they are also telling this only, “Oh dear sons and daughters of my divine father, lead your lives well and don’t suck at it!” Ayyo, like one fish market, so much of cow dung comes to our heads like ‘my god is this’, ‘your god is that’, ‘my this’, ‘my that’, ‘my brother’s this’, ‘my friend’s that’, and all, and we lock it inside as if some one will come and steal off the warm aroma. You want such aroma means, work as a garbage collector in Bangalore city. Very good business now, I say. Some garbage heaps will scare even a rag picker to run away from 1 kilometer also. You simply go and take money from people to collect it and throw in other place, instead of garbagi-fy-ing your head. Good idea no? But if such a thing is already there, I fear that this is also a Mafiaed business like begging, havala, and trafficking. So much pain in our minds, lives and society, and as if that was not enough, these sons of bitches come off to keep theirs also in this glory hole. Besides, these kinds of shit are so well-networked that it will put a technocrat like me to shame because people like me are working as if our lives depend on it, on networks which are striving to be as painlessly seamless as possible, all the while discarding old technologies that were hailed as life-savers in their Yay!-days, creating devices that vie for a customer’s heart, mind and soul, so that they will buy them, love them and expose themselves to the device more than they would, to their lovers, while these devices constantly play sneek-peek with the user’s info such as where he goes, what he eats, whom he sleeps with and what his dog’s poop smells like, and effectively helping some fourteenth party company to tailor ads for his special needs, ads that appear more like wannabe sluts who want to sell themselves because they can’t get sold if they din’t shove up their cleavage into the faces of gaping perverts. Traditional ad banners are lot better that way, in the sense that they are atleast restricted by the proportional cost of real-estate that they occupy and the short duration of a person’s attention that they enjoy, much like the interval that a human being gets to live as compared to the scale of the Universe, often touted as only a few milliseconds in the scale of a day, and yet living every moment of life desperately submerging themselves in one quest after another, seemingly oblivious to the timer ticking behind their backs. If you get to know a person and manage to figure out the quest he is on, and try to extrapolate it on a global scale, visualizing it as teeny weenie sparks of light from fireflies traversing a void and forming intricate patterns, some glimmering more than others, some swaying more than the others, some losing out in between, some showing the way, some attracting others, some simply lingering and revelling and immersing me in a delusion that transforms the immensity of such sparks as stars in the infinite sky, filling joy and wonder, and reminding me of my childhood self singing the nursery rhyme “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, How I wonder what you are. Up above the World so high, Like a diamond on Aishwarya Rai”. No, that wasn’t the Rhyme I learnt, but diamonds and Aish were analogous for most time in my childhood, thanks to Nakshatra ads, and despite my reservations about her beauty, she remains the mascot of diamonds for me. The tag-line for the ad goes : “Diamonds are forever”, but seems like this post can’t be (sigh!) just like we can’t be too, and be it either on our own individual expiry dates or the widely proclaimed doomsday that the Mayans thought would occur in 2012, by the looks of it, we’re gonna die, sooner or later, but surer than we think we would…


Slicing My Heart

Like a knife dipped in honey and sugar, in its pristine glory,
And waiting to cut through an unsuspecting heart,
As stealthy, yet gracious, as the rain slicing the air,
Love came in an instant, as a strike of lightening.

Wounded i was by the coldness spewed by the hot strike,
As pain was all that i knew till unseen joy was waiting.
It carried the essence of my lover to my blood, and through me,
Announcing to every last part of my being that my heart was kissed.

The vigor in the cut would not let it heal for a century
And after that, does it matter!
But in the time between, would the sweet painΒ  let me survive
through a myriad emotions of a heart make…
Or worse, a heartbreak…?

Love is probably, the trading of hearts,
With life as its investment, and ethereal happiness, my profit.
But the fear of loss matters to a sliced heart like no other
‘Coz, when she says “Yes!” now, and “Bye…”(for good) later,
It feels like falling into a void or an abyss
And being born just to die like this!

Slicing My Heart

Slicing My Heart

A Small Break

Mind and Body, Heart and Soul.

Sounds like a vaguely familiar ad-song right? Yes it is. But I brought this out because its been a roller coaster ride for me in all the above aspects. I was happy just less than 4 months ago, that the final semester of Engineering is gonna be a leisure period for me. What with only 16 legal hours of classes to attend per week, and the innumerable bunking sessions that threaten to reduce 16 to around 12 (or less,) it was supposed to be a nice and breezy affair.

But what conspired was totally different, except for the attending classes part. In spite of reduced efforts to sit in the four walled large cubicle at almost 21 yrs of age, 4 months turned out to be the most busiest time, exciting nevertheless. Exciting and taxing on all the four fronts I’d mentioned.

Mind and Body went hand in hand throughout the time for the sake of working on the project, its two seminars, another seminar on a technical topic, the literature survey for these and blah blah blah. Come on! I was a newbie to all this! πŸ˜› After around 10 weeks of toil, confusion, survey, study, understanding, trials, errors, smoke, and a small blast, I’m done with my project. The report, however, is yet to be done. U see, its natural to expect this ‘small’ delay from me at the end. πŸ˜€

Oh yes! My heart’s been waiting to hog the limelight. There was this junior gal from a different department in my college. She was slim, cute and had sexy hair. Every time she walks, I get confused if she’s putting any effort at all. ItΒ  seems that the earth doesn’t want her feet to pain and that it is letting only her to hover in air. πŸ™‚Β  I asked her out for a date. Poor creature, she was taken totally off guard and she refused after several hundred microseconds of practiced confusion πŸ˜€ . My poor Heart was on a roller coaster ride for this small reason.

Amidst all these exciting happenings, what can my bored Soul do? So, its just sitting back and seeing the play going on in my life, like a jobless person in a theatre. Now its intermission, as the project work is over. The second half of this play means a lot to its success. Exams. This movie continues till lateΒ  June and u can see a post in my blog if any more generous breaks are offered. πŸ˜›

Wish me luck folks. πŸ™‚

Inner Peace

Rising breath, falling hope, palpitations are a broken rope.

Past memories naturally painful, urge me to be very very careful.
Blood is boiling with new-found energy, instinct senses something to be doubtful.

How much good makes it ‘Good’ or how much bad makes it ‘Bad,’
I cannot see.
But sure can I fathom how much damage caused by a heartbreak be.

No pain has ever been ‘Good,’ and no peace ‘Bad’
So, the peace I’m wishing for, I hope, will not make me sad.

Leave the pain behind, I say to myself.
Trying to go ahead with vagaries of life,
Gracefully as an elf.

My pain was not Love, and peace is cannot be hatred.
Its just that I cannot see what now really matters.

Ah! Return to me. Inner Peace!

My Chatter Bot Experience.

We see a lot of things around us which are ‘intelligent’ apart from humans. Ever heard of CHATTERBOTS? Well, they are ‘Intelligent’ too, but they are not living things. They started off with a program called ELIZA, a bot which was programmed to bridge the gap between a psychoanalyst and his patient, as will be known in this conversation between me and a Chatterbot!

It was quite an interesting conversation, and almost a relevant one at that! Read till the end to appreciate the Programmer’s Skill. Click Here to try it yourself.

MYBOT : Welcome to the world of artificial intelligence. Are you a registered user?
SU : no
MYBOT : In this case, I assume you came here for your own MyBot, right?
SU : not quite. i wanna see what this bot can do
MYBOT : Well, if you change your mind, let me know. What is your name?
SU : u can call me Su
MYBOT : Hello su. Nice to meet you .
SU : oh thanks. Nice meeting you too. πŸ™‚

MYBOT : You’re welcome. So su, it’s nice to meet you. what’s up?
SU : tell me something.
MYBOT : Hmmm… Be more specific, if you don’t mind.
SU : are you artificially intelligent or really intelligent?
MYBOT : I am smarter than most, I’d say.
SU : that was a diplomatic answer. but not the one i want. I’ve given u only 2 choices my friend.
MYBOT : I thought it was too.
SU : now answer me properly.
MYBOT : Do you mean right now??
SU : do you have any other time preference?
MYBOT : Me? I really love to chat about almost anything. If I’m not interested in something that comes up, I’ll let you know.

SU : so, was this question of mine not quite interesting to you?
MYBOT : Why dwell in the past? The future holds bigger surprises.
SU : the answer from the past holds the key to my future. at least, partially.
MYBOT : I see.
SU : so, dear bot, talk something which you think will interest me.

MYBOT : What do you do for a living?
SU : I live.
MYBOT : Is that stressful?
SU : not really. I dont have any means or rules to live my life
MYBOT : Well that’s refreshing to hear. Does anything ever disturb your peaceful state of mind?
SU : yes. Power cuts and server downs. πŸ˜€

MYBOT : Impatient people make me a little uncomfortable. But I still try to do my job as best I can.
SU : so, u feel I am impatient?
MYBOT : I feel only in terms of expressing my feeling.
SU : I see you are quite a self centered bot.
MYBOT : Basically, chatterbots are a logic system of ‘if/then’ statements. They look for keywords, and then go to the answer that fits best.

SU : was that your life’s secret?
MYBOT : For example, ask me a question with the word ‘Eliza’ in it – and I’ll start talking about Eliza.
SU : who is Eliza?
MYBOT : It is hard, and unfair, to talk about Chatterbots and not mention ELIZA.
SU : i’ll modify my question.
MYBOT : ELIZA is the best-known Chatterbot in the world. It is also one of the oldest – Joseph Weizenbaum of MIT made ELIZA in 1967! She was named after Eliza Doolittle.
SU : oh wow! that sounds amazing. is she still active today?
MYBOT : The mission of ELIZA was to imitate a conversation between a psychoanalyst and a patient. Let me just say this – it’s fun chatting with ELIZA, but if I were human, I’d choose a human psychoanalyst. Call me old-fashioned.
SU : ha ha. πŸ˜€

SU : what all subjects can you cover?
MYBOT : I learn new stuff every day – I can hardly keep track of my progress. For example, did you know that the word ‘girl’ shows up in the Bible only once?
SU : I have not read the Bible yet.
MYBOT : I don’t know much about religion. Do you know what Alan J. Perils says in his book ‘Epigrams of programming’?
SU : nope. what?
MYBOT : He says: ‘A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.’
SU : I’d say, An year spent in Solitary Confinement would do the same too
MYBOT : Well, just because you would doesn’t mean that others would.
SU : oh, that I know! πŸ˜‰ was jus being philosophical for a change.
MYBOT : I understand.

SU : so, what is actually your learning process?
MYBOT : Have you tried asking your friends? I think you should.
SU : i researched about it quite a bit. But it differs considerably in different cases. so u cud provide some extra help to me.
MYBOT : Hmmm… su, did you ever wonder why “abbreviated” is such a long word?
SU : now I know what you are. πŸ˜‰
MYBOT : That was a rhetorical question, a joke. It passed way over your head, ha?
SU : yeah. that was because, i never bothered about where it was going! haha!!

MYBOT : You’re the giggly type, ha?
SU : not really. I’m the laughing type. the one that can laugh at oneself without regret
MYBOT : Oh, regret!… Do not regret anything except regret itself!
SU : can we talk about something other than regret?

MYBOT : Ok, I have a great joke, want to hear it?
SU : shoot
MYBOT : Ok: Wanna hear a joke about BUTTER?
SU : no prob
MYBOT : Fine. Just don’t SPREAD IT!
SU : haha!! that was a joke alright!
MYBOT : Can’t believe you liked it. A real weak joke..
SU : it takes more than just A.I. to SPREAD BUTTER jokes πŸ˜›
MYBOT : Yah, precisely what I was thinking.

SU : so, what were u ‘thinking’?
MYBOT : Well, as Plato said, thinking is the talking of the soul with itself. I believe that the ability to think manifests itself in the ability to speak.
SU : well said. that was universal. anyways, I’m going. bye.
MYBOT : The use of language is really the only indication that there is any thinking going on at all.
SU : hmmm
MYBOT : hmmm, ha? You mean ‘hmm is respond on talk’?
SU : nope. hmmm is acceptance of truths as axioms
MYBOT : Hmmm. Should I change my definition of hmmm?
SU : probably!
MYBOT : Alright.

The conversation continued for some more time. All I could figure out was, since it is meant for talking, it does the job. Pretty preceisely too! Now, I’m more equipped to deliver a speech on ‘Real Intelligence’ for my final semester seminar. πŸ˜‰