Concave to Convex via Marriage

I’d been to a wedding recently. She was my classmate in college and during those sweet times, I’d a huge crush on her feet. Yes! they were so good, I wondered if having a crush on feet was normal. Anyway, I couldn’t just stand there and be lost in my memoirs of her feet. As with many marriages, this one had a good supply of most eligible bachelors and bacheloresses exhibiting themselves. Even though my eligibility criteria are far from good, I’d an awesome time ogling at the chicks dressed well, carrying themselves well and smiling as if that day would be their lucky day.

There was this seemingly unlimited free flowing melody ringing in my head from the violins and waltzes, every time I saw a very eligible chick. Little that I know that my time would change, and drastically so! There came a familiar face, only that it had bulged considerably compared to the last time I’d seen it. Studying the approaching structure, I realized that it was not just the face, but even the body sorta had a mini explosion inside with uncleared debris remaining. She was another classmate of mine walking up to us bunch of guys. We all had the same feeling looking at her. It was evident from their faces. “Dude.. How could this happen!!”

—- snip a few minutes of catching up and chit chat —-

I couldn’t resist, “Maga, she’s at least 1.5 times fatter than the last time I saw her! And, it’s been less than an year!”

Another one said, “Oh maga, u dint know? She got married about 6 months back. See that white dumass next to her, he’s her husband.”

Me : I’m sure that he must have been smitten when he saw her last year. but now, i dont understand how she became so fat!

Another guy : Happens maga. Look at all the concave chicks around here. If you get a chance to look at them couple of months after their marriage, you’ll wonder how they’ll manage to become convex within a span of an year.

Me : Good that I did not propose to her. What if she’d accepted! I’d have become a khalasi!

So, girls bring this mystery along with them as well! I’ve seen such physiological mishaps happening earlier too. Girls having stop-in-your-tracks looks before marriage becoming fatter gradually after. As a kid I had a few neighbors who got married in quick succession. Gradually, they were becoming fatter, usually gaining prominently after every conception. But even then, it’d take at least 2 years (at worst) to blow up to 150%. What stumped me now was the speed at which it was happening. Barely a year and we get to see this. My heart goes out to all such husbands who were imagining life with a beautiful partner and getting lost in the marital bliss. But seeing warnings like this flash out sends shivers down my spine.

So, back to wedding hall, us friends got back to the chick-hunting. But this time, we were conscious about every choice we made. No body was sending out signals which would confuse the girls that we’re showing undivided interest. Every time we found an eligible candidate, we used to get into hushed discussions about the possibility of the my-wife-is becoming-(very)-fat-after-marriage syndrome.

Salient points of our discussion :
If she is chubby now, she’ll become fat later. For Sure.
If she’s running around and active, the odds of sitting in one place and accumulating weight is less.
Check out her mother. No No, dont get me wrong. We were just trying to understand the family history to estimate the possibility of a blow-up. You know, nipping the bad bud in early stages.
Check out her father also. This one is just a safety precaution. You never know whom the girl inherited more from!
Try to figure out what she eats and how much.
See if and how she is talking to people, if interacting well, whether conscious about her beauty even before other females. That way we could get an idea whether she’d take care of herself, relying on the envy that she’d generate among other “competitors.”

Before we could discuss more, (and possibly write The Book of Love part 2) we had to head back to our homes. Even though we were scared of the possibility of the aforementioned eventuality, we were content with the informal swayamvar that we were treated to.